Will you blow on my dice?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
