Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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