the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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