i already hear my dad disowning me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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