remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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