Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
