I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize