That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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