I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
