when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?