don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
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His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
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All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.