I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard