so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online