Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
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we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
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Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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