girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
