Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He? As in you personified your dick?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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