Apparently you make a good broom.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
no you cant smoke seaweed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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