Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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