Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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