2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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