why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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