so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
