He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
