There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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