I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
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All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
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Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?