He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
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So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
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Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌