I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You coming home soon, man?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.