I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.