$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
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I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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