At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock