Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
pray to the hookup gods
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino