We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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