I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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