HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
