Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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