I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
this beer tastes like vomit already
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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