I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
