so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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