I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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