so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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