if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
