we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
