I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
