I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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