I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
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Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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