end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
