too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize