Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
