ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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