K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
