So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
