the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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