literally had 100 drinks last night.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
