No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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