new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
