Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
