I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
