Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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