And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
