He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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