I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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