My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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