I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
