He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
