Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
