she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
