He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
