Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
