i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
wow bdsm is so cute
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
