I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
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Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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